(Baby Week 7) Tuesday, December 31st 2013

Dear Deuce,

You are the size of a blueberry, in fact probably a little bigger because this is technically the very end of week seven. Wow! I can't believe how much in my life is changing already, because of you little one. Time is going by quickly because of the Holidays and the coming of the New Year. I can't help but imagine what next year will be like for our little family with you as a new addition. It is exciting, to be sure.

One thing, it is getting more and more difficult keeping you a secret. Mommy is sick, very sick and very tired. This is hard to hide--especially because we have been spending so much time with family. My excuse about having a small stomach bug will only last so long. Also, funny the way things work out, but my cousin just announced that they are expecting, baby supposedly due at the end of August. When they told the family I couldn't stop smiling and exchanging knowing glances with your dad. "Ha! Us too!" I wanted to shout, but didn't, because for right now you are just ours.

We love you so, so much. We hope you are growing nicely in there and that everything is working out as it should. Fingers crossed!

Love always,
Mama

(Baby Week 6) Wednesday, December 18th 2013

Tiny Little Baby,

You are officially the size of a lentil, and though I have no idea what that is I am very happy to know you are growing and evolving. Also I guess your nose, ears, and mouth are starting to form! Holy smokes that is so crazy to think about. I can't even imagine how small they must be right now. Obviously small enough to fit on the face of a lentil. Anyways, it is exciting stuff and I can't wait to see what those little features grow to become.

The symptoms are in full swing for mommy. I get nauseous easily and several times a day. I am tired a lot and hardly motivated to do any work around the house. Just ask your Papa and Big Brother--they will tell you just how messy things are getting. Also, I cannot believe Xmas is coming so soon! Before we know it cousins will be here, presents will be opened, and it will all be over. I will miss the rush of the Holiday season, but at least will have to hope of you to help get me through the bleak of January and February.

Well, good luck growing in there little one. We will be making a appointment to meet with the doctor when you are about 10 weeks, so until then, just keep doing great, and miraculous things in there.

Love you so much,
Mama

(Baby Week 4 Approx.) Monday, December 9th 2013

Dear Little Bundle,

Well at least we are hoping you are a little spec. We have not confirmed your existence quite yet, but a few things have happened that make your little life very, very possible. So I am writing to you, believing and dreaming and wishing that all will be well and in about 9 months we will be able to meet you and officially welcome you to this world.

Truth be told, I am completely hesitant to begin this little letter writing tradition with you so early. I started one about six months ago for the same reason, the same beginning, the same hoping, and later came back and deleted them all because it didn't go according to plan. At the time, deleting those little notes to my other little spec seemed like the only thing to do. Now though, I wish I had kept them, because I know that experience, no matter how disappointing, is not something that can be so easily erased. It wasn't all bad either.

There was so much good and joy that simply came from believing and hoping. And there was even some good in the difficulty of knowing it wasn't going to work out and going through the process of letting that would-be-baby go. Heartbreaking, but also a sweet strength that prepared me for some other hard things ahead. Which is why I am starting anew with you, little one--with that same hope and love.

You give us such great joy and no matter the ending. This hope is vibrant and real for us right now. I am not likely to publish that hope to the world just yet, but I will file this letter away and make the series known when the time is right, if the time is ever right. We fiercely want you to become a permanent part of this family. We want to make room and make plans for you in our life. We want that real joy to last forever.

So, in short, I just wanted you to know, you are important. Physically, you are only a tiny bundle of cells right now, but you are important. You are important to me, to your father, and to your brother.

Love,
Your New Family

(Blake 2 Years Old) November 6th 2013

My Sweet, Sick Baby Boy,

Two days ago you had a bad fever. I knew then that something was wrong with you, but it was just one day after your big birthday and I didn't want to believe it. When I say your temp was high, I mean about 103 degrees, pretty stressful for this Mama. Anyways, we gave you some Tylenol and brought your temp down a bit and just let you rest the day away. This went on for one day, and then one more. By then things were looking pretty bad. You were tired all the time. You didn't really want to eat. Fortunately you were drinking a ton and besides a few little coughs and a small runny nose, you didn't have any other symptoms. I did call the doctor though. Then that morning, just before we went to see Doc Willis, you finally were showing symptoms of an ear ache.

You woke up super early this morning. You coughed and would hold your ear. Then you would say, in this sweet little voice, "Mama, kisses." Then you would pat your ear. I gave you a million kisses that morning, wishing that was all it took to make it better. I was so happy to get to the doctor's office and have them check you out. They said yes, your temp was a little high. They said yes, you probably weren't feeling well. Then Doc Willis looked in your ears. He said, "Ouch," and immediately prescribed some medicine for you.

Then we drove a little ways to pick up your perscription, grabbed a get well soon book from the grocery store, and headed home to rest, watch Cars, and get better. Right now you sleep, sweaty in my arms and I am soaking up each little surface of your face. I love your little mouth hanging open. I hate the purple bruise like skin around your eyes that means you have not been sleeping. I like the sweaty bed-head that happens during your naps, but hate that it means you have a temperature.

Please, please, please get well soon Littleman. We love you and were so worried. Hopefully soon we will have you back to normal. Chin up, we got this baby boy.

Love always,
Mama

(Blake Officially 2 Years Old) November 1st 2013

Dear Birthday Boy!

I cannot believe you are officially two. T-W-O! I have been training you these last weeks to hold up your little fingers and say, "Two!" when I ask, "Hey Blake, how old are you?" It was so sweet, but still very surreal and never true. But now it is true. You are "two!" and holy cow it came so fast.

Here is a quick list of some of the things you REALLY love right now:

Movie: Cars or Aristocats
Color: Blue
Food: Cheese
Drink: Warm Milk
Stuffed Animal: NeeNee Doggie
Toy: Cars, Trains, or Trucks (of any kind)
Animal: Tiger
Superhero: Superman
Phrase: Come On Mama
Place: GG's House
Sport: Soccer
Song: Waiting for Superman by Daughtry

We had a little Superhero party for friends and family. We had dessert and opened presents. There was so much going on that you were completely distracted. You didn't even want to eat your cake--again! But that is just fine. I would do it all over again, just the same. Your smile the entire night was perfection and you were so happy to be sharing this special day with those who love you most.

Well Blake, Happy 2nd Birthday kiddo. Your dad and I love you so, so much. We can't imagine this life without you and hope keep things going just as they have been.

Love, love, love

Mama & Papa

(Blake Month 23) October 28th 2013

Dear Little Boy,

Just wanted to stop in and say hello to the best boy I know. There are so many things changing and happening that I am sad to not be recording it all. For example, your dad has gotten you hooked on Superheros. You suddenly know all of their names and love to watch the cartoons. You talk about "Batman, Superman, and Green Latern," all the live long day. You find them in all the toy magazines. You pull down the movies and point to them. And when we go to the library you specifically look for "Superman Book." It is sweet and melting and gave me a great idea. 

We were going to have a "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles" theme for your upcoming birthday party. They have been your favorite for a while and we wanted to celebrate that. But then, as time gets closer, I know I don't have time to plan and make it as excellent as I would want. So instead we are switching to a Superhero Party. We will just have some family and friends over for dessert and call it a party. I will make a cake and wear a cape and have a great time. It may be just a recent love you have developed for Superheros, but we are so happy with who you are right NOW that it seems to be a better choice all around. 

You have been sleeping great, talking great, and eating great. You are just now starting to develop likes and dislikes when it comes to food. The one thing you consistently refuse to eat is lettuce. I know, LETTUCE is a little weird for a kid to eat. I totally get it. Other than that though, you are usually very willing to try new things and eat new meals. What you especially love though, and I don't think it will change any time soon, is cheese. You ask for it everywhere and eat it all the time. Cheese, cheese, cheeeeeeeese. 

Last, but not least, you love your family. Your favorite person in the whole world is Bapa. Just recently we have started calling him Grandpa, and you are slowly changing what you call him, but all the same you want to spend every moment with him. When GG calls, you want to talk to Bapa. When we get to the house, you want to play with Bapa. If he is outside, then you are outside with him. It melts my heart, and I'm sure you have that old man wrapped around your little finger. He simply cannot say no to you, and I don't blame him. your relationship is very sweet and he fears it won't last. I have other ideas about that and think you will be great friends always, but I guess only time can tell. For now though, you love him best and that is fine with me. 

Love you tons, 

Mama

(Blake Month 20) July 27th 2013

Dear Little Bookworm,

You are loving the library these days. If the weather is good and I don't have the car I will pile you in the bike trailer and off we will go. You will sort through all the toddler books with precision, always looking for something with cars, or trucks, or Superheros. This book in particular has been one of your favorites. There are colors and shapes. You are just starting to get the difference between Batman and Superman. It is awesome! 

I love sharing this time with you Blake. It is so, so good to know that you enjoy books and will sit down and give them time instead of just moving from one to the next. We read three books every night before you go to sleep. That quiet time together is probably my favorite time of day. Yes, some nights I just want to crawl in bed instead of take the 30 minutes you need to settle in for the night. Yes, sometimes I get frusterated reading the same three books you love over and over again. However, for the majority I LOVE every minute of our routine. I love watching you learn new words and new objects. I love hearing you repeat colors or phrases for me. I love the animals you know and the noises they make. You are smart kid!

Well, just wanted to say I hope you will still love to go to the library with me when you are older. It is time I treasure. Really, honestly, truly. 

Love much, 

Mama

(Blake Month 20) July 25th 2013

Dear Blake, 

You are just starting to get along with Pepper. I thought it would happen much sooner than this, but she kept her distance for a while and then you were kind of mean to her, espeically while you were learning to walk and always pulling on her hair and ears and tail. Now though, it is as if all those bad feelings have disappated. She runs with you around the house. You throw the ball for her in the yard. You laugh and giggle when she comes on walks with us. You absolutely adore when she comes in the car with us. I think you two are finally becoming friends. 

I always laugh when you two are running around the house. You will steal her ball and just run, holding it up in your hand. She will chase you all over the house, just waiting for you to drop or throw it. You will roll it down the stair rail or drop it in a shoe and it cracks me up. I'm not sure if you are deliberately trying to frustrate her, but either way it is pretty fun. You boss her around a lot too: "Pepper no," "Drop it," and "Peppers sit!" are some of your favorites. 

Summer really has brought out the best in both of you and I look forward to more time together, more bonding, and more laughs. 

Love you kid, 

Mama

(Month 19) June 24th 2013

Dear Pirate King, 

Today you turned from 18 month old into a 4 year old and back again all within the realms of an afternoon. Really, these are the times that scare me the very most. You are already growing so fast, and to catch a glimpse of what you will be like a three and four years old is completely terrifying. I want to wrap you up and store you in a time capsule where everything inside is frozen while the world moves on around it, aging and changing. 

Today I saw that 4 year old Blake will be full of fun and trouble. He will be eager for adventures and still a little cautious when it comes to danger. He will be strong and determined. He will be quick to smile and laugh and maybe even cause a bit of trouble. He will be ready for anything, yet not wanting to get too far from his loved ones. He will be such a big boy, and that is something I am so glad I do not have to confront just yet. 

We visited G.G. and Bapa today, as well as their little kiddie pool in the back yard. The water was filled just in time for us to realize you didn't have a suit or a swim diaper. So instead of worry about it we simply stripped you down, pulled off your regular diaper, and then tugged your red shorts back on. We tied a bandanna on your head so your scalp wouldn't burn and let you run wild. You were free to run and fall as you liked. You are welcome to splash and pad around in the pool. You were encouraged to chase and kick the soccer ball. You were such a grown up little boy in those moments I could hardly watch. 

Then, once you were tired out, we dried you off, cleaned you up, and wrapped you up tight for a nap. My baby boy was back and I welcomed it while holding him in my arms. I will never get tired of holding you while you nap. I love it, honestly I do. So sweet, quiet, and angelic when you sleep. Thanks for coming back to me, my little 18 month old. It is too soon for you to leave me with a grown up boy. 

Love you always, 

Mama

(Month 18) May 5th 2013

Dear Blakie Boy, 

You make me melt. There are so many words in your arsenal now and each one of them has be gushing down into a puddle every time you string a few of them together. You say Mama and Papa with such finesse. You also know G.G., Lala, Tio, Kelsey, Nana, and Bapa. Other things that are your favorite include ball, blue, beep beep, and still of course nie nie. You also say "no" on occasion and I have learned to ask only questions when I know you answer will be "yeah." There is one word though, that has be wrapped even more than all the others. It is, "peas."

You stand by the pantry door, look over your shoulder at me, and say in your darling voice, "cookie peas," and I am a goner. I immediately sweep you up, open the door, and hand you a graham cracker, or animal cracker, and anything we have even remotely resembling a cookie. "Peas," is such a powerful when when coming from the mouth of my 18 month old big boy. 

You play cars and kick the soccer ball like nobody's business. Really, it is astounding how good you are with coordination. Also, we have pretty much you are left handed. You sometimes will color with your right or push a car. However you almost always color, eat, and nit pick with your left. The fine motor skills are most certainly coordinated with that little left hand of yours. It is darling, and terrifying as I watch you grow and develop so much. 

Also, you get the moist messy face, because of course you are determined to eat dinner without my help. It is something I am not afraid of though. Some mommy cannot handle a messy baby and a messy kitchen table. I really don't mind it. I just plop you in the tub after every particularly gruesome meal and am all the happier for your enjoyment and success at getting one more spoonful in your mouth than you managed the day before. 

Another thing you really like, coloring. If I have a pen in hand it is not two seconds before you are up on my lap, tapping my pad of paper, and demanding a beep beep, or choo choo. My artistic skills are constantly being put to the test and one of our better investments has been in a set of sturdy colored pencils. You found them in the office a week or so ago, and they simply have not left your sight since. 

My growing boy, we are so proud of you. You can do so many things, things I never even imagined an 18 month old could do. Astounding, simply astounding. That is what you are my darling boy. It is so exciting being you mom, and such an honor. We are smitten with you and cannot wait to keep learning and growing with you. 

All my love and hugs, 

Mama